The feminization of Christianity
August 28th, 2007I’m working on a column about the feminization of Christianity, and could use some dialogue and exchange to hone my thoughts. I’m just about finished with it but need to do some tweaking.
Has anyone read “Why Men Hate Going to Church”? Here are a few quotes from the book:
Tough, earthy, working guys rarely come to church. High achievers, alpha males, risk takers, and visionaries are in short supply. Fun-lovers and adventurers are also underrepresented in church. These rough-and-tumble men don’t fit in with the quite, introspective gentlemen who populate the church today. The truth is, most men in the pews grew up in church. Many of these lifers come not because they desire to be transformed by Christ but because they enjoy participating in comforting rituals that have changed little since their childhood. There are also millions of men who attend services under duress, dragged by a mother, wife, or girlfriend. Today’s churchgoing man is humble, tidy, dutiful, and above all, nice. …
Almost everything about today’s church — its teaching style, its ministries, the way people are expected to behave, even today’s popular images of Jesus — is designed to meet the needs and expectations of a largely female audience. Church is sweet and sentimental, nurturing and nice. Women thrive in this environment. In modern parlance, women are the target audience of today’s church. …
So what does today’s church emphasize? Relationships: a personal relationship with Jesus and healthy relationships with others. By focusing on relationships, the local church partners with women to fulfill their deepest longing. But few churches model men’s values: risk and reward, accomplishment, heroic sacrifice, action and adventure. Any man who tries to live out these values in a typical congregation will find himself in trouble with the church council in no time. …
Today, a good Christian is known mostly for meekness, sensitivity, passivity, and sweetness. This standard of Christian behavior is very tough on men (even those who are sold out to Jesus) while it’s easier for women to achieve. Men have gotten this message: you’re flawed the way God made you. You need an extreme makeover.
Here’s an article that also addresses some of these issues: Feminine Christianity turns men away from church, Stinson says
So, some questions:
Is Christianity being feminized in today’s culture?
If yes, what are some examples you can point to from your experience?
How do you think churches should address the issue?
What should they do differently?
All I can say is they must have never been to my church.
What about the Old people? They affect things also. The smaller the church the worse also. I have never thought about this but its a good point. Luckily there are a few of us at church that go out and shoot clays and eat BBQ and stuff like that. Once a year a group from around the state meets up and have worship services and shoot guns and pitch horse shoes and washers and eat meat! its nice.
I think the stereotypical church has stopped being “confrontational” and stopped preaching on things like accountability, discipline, and expectations.
These aren’t well-thought out ideas, but perhaps we try to distance ourselves from the extremists that burn abortion clinics, etc to the polar opposite end of being (yuck) tolerant and passive when the truth (and Truth) is somewhere in the middle.
Secondly, we don’t do well setting expectations of ourselves - meaning members, non-members, leaders, parishioners, parents, children, adults, youth, etc. When those poorly set expectations aren’t met - frequently women (again, stereotypically) are more relational-centric are left to negotiate the differences. This sometimes leads to hurt feelings, gossiping, cat-fighting, whatever. All while many men just sit in the corner and wait for it to blow over.
Unfortunately, when men DO step up, they can be greeted with reprimands that they’re being too harsh, strict, old-fashioned, rude, insensitive, and the like… It makes them NOT want to step up again.
I think there’s a direct relationship between the feminization of the Church and the feminization of the man (reflected in his role(s) as husband, father, peer, leader, etc). Too many men, aren’t.
Keep in mind, this isn’t just throwing our testosterone around…there are Biblical guidelines for “manliness”. God has roles defined for men and women - because each is prone to wander towards the other. If we weren’t inclined to do that, I doubt God would have wasted the energy (so to speak).
…just some thoughts. Probably worth exactly what you paid for them.
I think you hit on some of the things I’m thinking about, Jason. Our culture as a whole has embraced an idea that men are “too harsh, strict, old-fashioned, rude, insensitive,” when in fact, they’re just being men. And so the church often has followed suit.
Now, that’s not to say that men should have a free pass to behave any way they want to, but it does mean that men who act in ways consistent with their manhood shouldn’t be reprimanded for it.
I think too often in churches we’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings when we speak the truth to them, and I think that’s another result of an over-feminization of the church. Sometimes people’s feelings need to be hurt.
The thing is, the over-masculinization of the church would be just as detrimental. Far be it for the church to be an overly agressive, in-your-face, smack-down that ignores the sensitivies necessary when dealing with people in general.
“We are a society of men raised by women.”
- Tyler Durden, “Fight Club”
“Sometimes people’s feelings need to be hurt.”
Let the preacher preach!
I have never bought into this idea that somehow men have left the church. The assumption is that at one time, men were attracted to church and then they left because the church was “feminized.” The fact is, church has always been a hard sell for men. If anything, churches are composed of a highter percentage of men than ever before. My dad tells me stories of how when women went to church, most of the men stayed outside and sat on the tailgates of their trucks. I think church will always be a hard sell for men.
Great subject. I’ll inject a few disjointed thoughts:
The culture in general is being feminized (Oprah-cised) as we become more feelings oriented and “sensitive.” The Church in this country, sadly, tends to follow the culture.
I wonder if the emphasis on “felt needs” might also bear some culpability in this. Think even about so much modern worship music that would fall under the category of what a former roommate of mine called “Jesus is my girlfriend” music. Its cotton candy - devoid of any real content but tastes sweet. The same could be said of much modern preaching.
But at the end of the day, responsibility falls on the men for simply not stepping up and being men; not leading, taking initiative; fighting the good fight of faith (sounds too “masculine” eh?); pursuing the things of God when the culture tells them to invest instead in work and sports if they must express themselves in a masculine way.
Some (perhaps obvious) cures:
* Expositional preaching
* Teaching on complementarian understanding of gender roles in the family and church
* Emphasize that every man is called to pastor… his family. Quit relying on church to staff or surrogates to shepherd your wife and kids.
We should bear in mind that biblical manhood is also different from a straight machisimo stereotype. Biblical manhood is heavy on humility and very heavy on servanthood. But it is also heavy on leadership, work, perseverance, etc.
Just a few thoughts for ya.
BTW - I attended a wonderful men’s conference put on by Sovereign Grace in Charlotte last year that has some great material on the subject of biblical manhood:
www.crosswaync.org/summit2006/index.html
“Emphasize that every man is called to pastor… his family”
Good word, Alex.
Cineaste broke the first rule of Fight Club. You NEVER talk about Fight Club.
At my church we have a lot of men’s ministry and sports ministry, small groups and more. I think every church should have a sports ministry. It’s the easiest, most non-threatening way to get men to have fellowship. It’s been a huge blessing to me.
All good points that have been made previously. I do believe, IMHO, that the idea of the “feminization” of the church is valid, and for many of the reasons explained above. Each individual church body is responsible for ministering to the flock they have.
An interesting thought: Men are biblically called to be the spiritual leaders of the home; yet even in my own fellowship, this so often comes out of men’s mouths: “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.” So how are men supposed to be leaders in our homes if we must cater, in the world’s culture way, to our women to ensure “harmony” in the family? Not making any judgments, just looking for some helpful comments.
It is post-modern Christianity at its best.
Much of this feminization is a over-reaction to the bad fruit of 1950’s fundamentalism.
The brand of Christianity that preached “Wives are to submit to their husbands”…but practiced “Men are to dominate their wives.”
My generation watched many in leadership abdicate their roles as husbands, fathers, and leaders in the home to chase material gain (and in some cases, other women).
What resulted was the “seeker sensitive” model that valued relationships over doctrinal distinction.
Add to that, the world’s preaching of tolerance at the expense of discernment and the whole idea that all belief systems are valid as long as one is sincere, and you have a recipe for postmodern Christianity in the church.
Many well-meaning churches, who are trying to be faithful to Scripture have no idea how to shepherd believers who have absorbed postmodern thinking to the point that their personal beliefs are a hodge-podge of Christianity and “spirituality.
All you have to do to see the results of this thinking is go to a group Bible study that does not have a strong leader and you will hear a lot of “What this verse means to me…” followed by some a spiritualized discourse that is as much Ben Franklin as it is Scripture. But the thought goes unchallenged because it is heartfelt (and after all, that’s what the verse meant to him).
We have spent the last 20 years downplaying the importance of theological precision and are paying the price for it.
Combine that with the unwillingness of many churches to take a strong position on egalitarianism in leadership and you have what is happening today.
I’ve read some insightful comments in these posts. I originally held back from posting because I do not regularly attend church, so I truly cannot address the notion of “the feminization of Christianity” or “the church” in general.
However, I do find myself wondering: What are guys so afraid of when it comes to women? Or, at the very least, when it comes to expressing their manhood/manliness to women, men, the world at-large, their church, their community, etc.?
I, too, have heard the comment Bob M. mentions regarding “Mama” being happy — not in those exact words, but very similar.
I have a male friend, for example, who often changes his plans or claims to be doing this or that “so she [his wife] won’t have a fit.” He laments the fact that he has to “go along with what she wants” or run the risk of causing disharmony — when, in reality, at least occasionally, the so-called plans he had to change weren’t necessarily firm commitments on his part, either. Seems to me, if he were all that concerned about not getting to do what he wants, he’d show a little more backbone and work a little harder at doing what he wants. (Let’s face it: People are selfish. It’s not a female thing or a male thing; it’s a human thing. You’ve got to fight … for your right … to party — or, er, something like that!)
I’m not a big fan of the term “feminization” or anything that harkens back to the big, bad, scary feminists of the 1970s (maybe sooner; my memory goes back only so far), mostly because those terms have taken on such a negative connotation. And it’s true that society has changed, in part, because many women fought to make it happen — and I, as a woman, am grateful for that.
Somehow, though, I don’t think women deserve all the credit/blame.
Just so I’m clear, Di, I don’t blame women for any of the problems in the church. I blame the men. If men had not abdicated their God-given responsibilities, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
And speaking of men, if they don’t take the lead as the spiritual leader of their home, we certainly can’t expect them to take the lead at church.
Di, I certainly don’t blame women for the issues. Like Tim, I think the blame is squarely at the feet of men.
I think 1 Timothy 3: 1-13 paints a picture of what Godly manhood and church leadership should be. If you read that, there’s both compassion and strength. There’s sensitivity and discipline. It’s one of my touchstones on what God has for me as a man, husband, father, and church leader.
No, no, I know that, Tim … and my response is definitely geared toward men and women in society, in general. I was also reacting to the term “feminization” as opposed to, say, the term “de-masculinization” (is that even a word?).
I think [some] men probably have abdicated their God-given responsibilities. Why? Because it’s easier to “go along and get along”?
“…the term “de-masculinization” (is that even a word?).”
“Emasculation” is probably the word you’re looking for.
“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Tim. 5:8
The needs spoken of here include spiritual ones.
Can you imagine? “Worse than an unbeliever”. That’s weighty, gents.
Time to man-up, brothers.
This may be a little off topic, but I thought it relevant enough to bring up. My problem with how the church reaches men is this: Why does almost every church I’ve beem in adhere to the belief that a gathering of Christian men MUST involve grilling meat or swinging a golf club? I’ve seen too many “men’s ministries” that seem to be little more than glorified lodge meetings. I know that outreach involves social settings and I’m all for that. It just seems that many churches have a narrow list of “man stuff” that frankly, I’m tired of.
Honestly, I’m not even sure what I’d replace it with. I just think it’s time for some more creativity in men’s ministry. Enough with the church “tailgate parties”, you know?
Carey D
Men do need to be in church leading and not sitting in the back row waiting to get out to catch the game. I know I will offend a few with this next comment but I do not feel women should pastor a church or serve as a church officers. I feel that this is part of the feminization problem. Men are called to be the leaders of their own households not the women. Men are the strong and women are called the weaker vessle. This is not meant to be a put down to women. But rather they (woman should feel confident that the man will lead spiritualy and in the family life also.
As many of you all stated men need to man up and that is true but they must understand what it takes to be a man .
I hope I did not ruffle to many feathers.
If anyone is interested I have a post on my blog about being a real christian man. It is in the blog archive under the April post. I would love to have ya’lls input on it.
http://happyhubby-verne.blogspot.com/
I don’t think the biggest problem is the “feminization” of the church, but the misunderstanding of what it means for a man to be a leader. Church is supposed to be a place of harmony, comfort, encouragement, fellowship, learning, thinking, contemplation. It is not a sporting event with cheering and chest-bumping and dog-barking. While Paul didn’t prohibit the latter things, he did require the former.
I believe what happened in the churches is partly due to who assumed the roles of teachers in American society during the westward expansion. Women became the teachers, and men worked hard building houses and finding food. So it naturally fell to women to be the teachers (of children) primarily at church. Then the part of teacher became a “woman’s” role and men shied away from it. With that came the laziness of studying Scripture because the men weren’t held responsible for knowing enough to teach. The churches began failing to follow the admonishment of Paul to Timothy: teach these things to faithful men that they may be able to teach others also. So, teaching became labelled as “feminization,” and so now somebody is writing a book.
As a comment to one I read above: For every “sport ministry” there needs to be 2 men’s Bible studies.