Being cast as predators
September 10th, 2007Interesting article by Tim Challies about men and their relationships with other people’s children. He asks four questions:
1. Would you leave your children with male babysitters?
2. Would you allow your teenage boy to babysit other children?
3. Are you immediately hesitant or nervous when a man shows friendly interest in your children?
4. For the men: if you saw a child standing alone and crying in the mall, would you stop to help the child?
I’d be interested to get your responses as well.
yes, yes, no, yes
(I must preface this by admitting that I am not a father and have no children.)
1) No.
2) No.
3) Not necessarily
4)I would really want to, but in today’s world I could not.
The Challies article was good. Our church has recently enacted a child protection policy which, in effect, disallows men from serving as Sunday School teachers for children under 6th grade, as well as any other teaching positions (VBS) unless it is in our Awana club. In fact, even though my wife is the nursery coordinator, I myself am not allowed to be in the nursery at any time during regularly scheduled church services, for any reason. I was told this to my face by my pastor.
This goes back to a previous discussion. How can men be men in this culture today? We are either predators, or (if, like me, caucasian) we are to blame for every problem the world has today.
I agree that since I have no children, I don’t NEED to go in the nursery. It’s just the idea of someone telling me that. It makes me wonder how I am thought of by my “church family.”
Ridiculous Bob. Ridiculous.
I had to compose myself before I posted… I cannot explain in words how infuriated I just became reading your comments about men not being able to teach at your church. I find this ludacris and I will stop there.
j razz
J Razz—lol–you spelled it the rapper way!
At my church we are not allowed to leave our children in their rooms unless there are 2 workers present. We must stay until a second arrives. I belive it to be a common sense way to ‘protect’ all parties.
What should truly not be allowed is my son and a few of his friends beating on me when I go to pick him up.
Yeah, I was frustrated and didn’t feel like spell checking anything. 2 people: understood. Barring men from teaching (unbliblical): ridiculous seeing how it is a church that instituted this policy.
j razz
Priests molesting children is a problem. It’s in the news a lot.
Without reading the Challies article:
1. Yes - With friends whom I trust. No one else.
2. Yes, but my boys would rather be hunting than watching someone’s children.
3. Define ‘friendly’? My male friends are friendly with my boys. They also know I’m a martial artist.
4. Yes, with my wife I would. If alone, I would grab a security and/or police officer. Have I grabbed them before, yes, without a doubt.
Priests molesting children is a problem. It’s in the news a lot.
One problem — most of the readership of this blog (if not all of the readership, that is) are not Catholic, but some form of Protestant. If there is a problem in Protestant churches it can be nowhere near as systematic as the Catholic epidemic. Something about each church in most Protestant groups being autonomous.
j razz make it 3 that understood. (I am a terrible speller so if the zoner had not pointed it out I would most likely not have noticed it) I agree with you 100%. Men SHOULD be teaching more sunday school, VBS, ect. It is extremely unbiblical to hane men not allowed to teach. I to was apalled at the thought of a church and a pastor tlling someone (a man that they could not be in the nursery at any time.
Zoner the policy of not being alone with just one child is a good one
Oops I hit the submit button by accident. What I meant to say was the policy for 2 workers present is good but hard to do in cases of sunday school as in most cases it is just one teacher. Now it would not be a good idea to have just one adult with one child in a room together. Boy scouts of america has a ploicy that you can not be 1 on 1 with a boy other that your son.
for the record my answers to the questions are:
1)yes providing I know the boys background
2)yes
3)if a stranger yes someone I know most likely no depending on the circumstance
4)yes
To clarify I was referring to child care during services, not Sunday School. Not that it makes a difference.
BTW, The Boston Globe’s “Betrayed” is an excellent book in regards to the whole Catholic church scandal. Tough to stomach at times, but very interesting.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2003874026_predator10.html
Tim and JRazz,
How do you feel about CCC’s policy regarding men in the nursery?
I feel fine about it. 2 people- (male and female combo is okay) in each room with the children.
j razz
What j razz said.
This line stuck out, to me, in Challies’ article:
“Though it may be the case that only the smallest percentage of men are predators, the fact remains that the great majority of predators are men.”
Honestly, from what I’ve seen in society at-large and in my own experience as a woman, I think it’s perfectly healthy and understandable to foster a very strong sense of what’s right and wrong, in adult male (and female) behavior, in our kids. Along with that, it’s so important for parents to have an open relationship with their kids — in large part so that a child will feel comfortable telling his or her parents about anything that seems “not right.”
In answer to the questions:
1. If I knew the young man very well, I would consider letting him babysit. (I have known several young men whom I would trust to watch my kids — that is, if I had kids, which I do not.) I would not, however, allow a young woman who was baby-sitting to have her boyfriend come over … for various and probably obvious reasons.
2. Yes, I would allow my teen-age son to babysit, if he were mature enough to do so. (Remember, girls mature faster than boys!)
3. Again, citing some of my own experiences, there are certain men/characteristics that I am immediately leery of myself, so I would most certainly be hesitant/nervous if such a person showed an interest in a child who happened to be in my care.
4. I know this question is “for men,” but isn’t it quite a double-standard — and, sadly, probably deservedly so. I happen to be a relatively short, unimposing woman, and no one would think a thing about it if I stopped to help a child who was standing alone and crying; in fact, as a woman, I would probably be expected to step in and help.
I’d say a man’s best course of action would be to flag down a woman or some kind of security guard to help out. The sad part is, a woman would be more likely to step in to help a child who was alone rather than a crying child with a man nearby because she might fear that it was some kind of attempt to lure HER into a bad situation!