Children, media and sex
January 31st, 2006A story in today’s New York Times explores the connection between sexual attitudes and practices among children and the amount of exposure they have to sex in the media.
Few studies have been conducted to provide verifiable scientific data on the subject.
“But to hazard a guess based on clear evidence that media representations influence teenage eating, smoking and drinking habits, adolescents are almost certainly affected — negatively — by sexual references and images from television, in movies and video games, in music, in magazines and on Web sites.”
The story refers to the number of children and teens who are able to watch TV, listen to the music and surf the Internet unmonitored by parents, and gives some statistics that are shameful:
Television is the best-studied medium, and the average teenager watches it for more than three hours a day. Two-thirds of youngsters 8 to 18 have TV’s in their bedrooms, and two-thirds live in homes with cable TV, providing unsupervised access to sex talk and scenes.
Parents today are guilty of selling their children’s souls to the devil, and they have much for which to answer.
I can’t for the life of me figure out why a parent would allow their kid to have his own tv in his room, with cable. Why not just have a sewer pipe installed on your living room floor. It would be much cleaner, and easier to clean up!
Joel, I thought about saying the same thing but figured I’d give someone else the opportunity to do so. Thanks for saying what I was thinking. I’m in full agreement.
Well, I guess I am a rotten parent for having a kid with TV in his room.
Oh wait. He watched Nickelodeon and ESPN and knows what he is and isn’t supposed to watch. And if he has a question about something…he asks and I explain.
I suppose I could shelter him in a bubble. But gee…what good would that do?
Godly children should be raised in a home where personal discipline is espoused in all areas of life. Whether or not a television is in a child’s room is not a determining factor in the type of adult that child will become. Unless you intend for your child to never leave the house, or if you intend for your adult-to-be to live their entire life in “No-TV’s-Ville” USA, you have to be instilling values into your children that cause them to make good and godly decisions. Just last night, as we were watching a crime-drama, my 13-year-old son got up and left the room when an image of scantily clad females came onto the screen. I applauded his decision to set no vile thing before his eyes. I have reason to believe that he’s likely to continue to honor God with his TV watching and other things as well.
I’ve been working as a youth minister for nine years now, and after observing the lives of teenagers during that time I can say that so many of them desperately needed their parents to be more active in making decisions about what their children did and did not do. (not just TV viewing but also who they dated, whether they attended church or not, etc).
Steven, it’s great that your child knows what he’s supposed to watch and what he isn’t, but that’s not the issue. Even kids raised in Christian homes with godly values are going to struggle with temptation. Why make it more accessible to them?
Christians these days often ridicule Christian homes in which there is a strict approach taken to things like TV viewing. But when I look at teenagers raised in church and see how worldly they are, it makes me think that maybe the rest of us need to re-evaluate our approach to things like TV.
Steven,
I’m not suggesting that children should be entirely sheltered in a bubble, but I think parents have a duty to be more protective of their children’s innocence than they typically are. And to me, allowing kids to have a TV in their room is asking for trouble. I know my kids probably won’t have a TV in their room until they’re about 16.
Also, I believe very strongly in human depravity. It’s great that your son only watches what he’s supposed to now, but I’d guess there’s coming a day when that won’t always be the case.
Any parent that believes they can put a TV or the internet in a child’s room and that child not be affected or exposed to filth because they have instilled such great morals and values is naive. I didn’t have a TV in my room and my parents are wonderful Christian people. I knew right from wrong, but as a child around 13 or so, I liked seeing them women TV. I am a Christian and was then and I can guarantee you that if I had a TV in my room with cable I know I’d be watching the women because they are beautiful. It’s just ridiculous to think your child wouldn’t view that. Heck I still want to and find myself gazing at pointless stupid shows because the women look good. HG TV even lifetime, I’ve watched women hang curtains and paint floors. Put a guy in there doing that and I’d flip right on through! You’re responsible for what they watch and take in. I guarantee a 13 year old boy with a TV in his room has seen sex scenes and will see more of it. How can anyone expect a teenage child to deal with that temptation and handle it like an adult? The women on TV are tempting. As wrong as it is, it’s the best looking sin I’ve ever seen. Any man that says they aren’t tempted lies.
We made a decision a long time ago to have 1 TV in our house. It forces us to watch together and discuss what we are watching. We also have to work together and compromise on what we will watch. About 2 months ago we added a TV in our kids playroom upstairs. We have 4 kids (4,4,6,and 9) so the situation was becoming unworkable. The kids have to get permission to turn it on and I set the v-chip to only show Y rated shows. I don’t know why more folks don’tuse the v-chip. It’s great.
Tyler,
It sounds like you need to get your wife to set the v-chip on your TV!
Lord help us so we don’t have to explain things to our kids. Better to let the kids at school talk to them about it and fill their heads with all kinds of things. Because if they aren’t talking to us about it…then it isn’t happening.
Temptation is a part of life. It has been since the beginning of time. Helping children deal with it is the focus. Eliminating it entirely will NEVER happen. If you think you are then I have some oceanfront property in Arizona I’d like to show you.
With all due respect Steven, nobody’s talking about eliminating temptation entirely. Of course kids are going to have to deal with it. But does that mean a parent ought to get their pre-teen or teenage son a subscription to Playboy magazine to help him learn to deal with the temptation? That’s the logical conclusion of your argument.
“I believe very strongly in human depravity. It’s great that your son only watches what he’s supposed to now, but I’d guess there’s coming a day when that won’t always be the case. ”
Nailed it. And at his age perhaps his development is not to the point where those images are as luring as they are to older kids.
TV is like food. It’s what you put into your body that matters.
What? You got that from that?
If that’s the case then I guess you can think it.
I was simply saying that as a parent, I have chosen to trust my child. And win, lose or draw I am going to raise him the way I see fit. Does that mean I am going to give him Playboy at 8 years old? No way! But does that mean I am going to have one tv in the house with a v chip in it that only shows Rated Y programs?
No.
Because he walks out the house and talk to kids at school. Or goes and plays with kids who’s parents don’t raise their children exactly like mine. And he is exposed there. And since we don’t “put up with that in our house” he doesn’t talk to me about what he is feeling. And it grows. And grows…
I don’t mean to come across as a passive parent. Because I am not. I just think there is more than one way to raise a child and think that if you shelter your kids too much in this day and age it is going to backfire bigtime in the long run.
As humans…we are generally interested (curious) in what we are told not to do…
Wouldn’t you agree?
I don’t think anybody’s suggesting that you’re a passive parent, Steven. I certainly don’t think that. Is it possible for kids to have a TV in their room and parents do a good job of monitoring what they watch? Of course.
But in light of the NY Times story I posted to begin this discussion, I think it’s also abundantly obvious that a lot of parents don’t adequately monitor what goes on in their kids’ bedroom. Are you willing to admit that a TV in a child’s bedroom could be problematic?
And to answer your question, yes, I think we are curious about what we’re told not to do. But I would disagree that the way to satisfy that curiosity is to expose children to things they are not prepared to deal with. I think that’s the danger of putting TVs in their bedrooms — because parents can’t always monitor what their kids are watching.
Oh yes. And I have seen it firsthand.
I have a relative that has a child that has unmonitored internet and TV in his room. And he has had it since he was about 13. And I can honestly say there is a problem now that he is 20ish. I fear his idea of sex and religion has been tainted by a passive parent and his unfiltered and unsupervized access to both of these.
Am I the only one who finds it ironic that a post about a TV show is followed by one on the evils of TV?
It’s completely meaningless which room the TV is in if it’s being watched without supervision. Steven is right - sooner or later, kids are going to going to have to make their own choices on a whole host of issues, whether it’s TV, alcohol, relationships with the opposite sex, you name it. They will be much better off if their parents provide them a framework for making Godly choices, and then model that framework in their own lives, instead of naively sheltering them from the outside world. Obviously, I’m not advocating plopping a 9-year-old in front of an R-rated movie, but I think even some (not all) of the bad stuff on TV provides a great teaching opportunity for parents who handle it the right way.
I think my point is that supervision and openness about violence, sex, etc. are key when a kid has questions about them…
Sex especially. There are some parents that almost treat it as if it is as bad as the devil himeself. The word isn’t even allowed to be uttered. But in fact it is a beautiful act between two people that love each other.
But Peter, if I can speak for Joel, the point he was originally making when he brought up this topic is that it’s much more difficult for parents to supervise what kids are watching when the TV is in their bedroom. That’s why I don’t think it’s the wisest choice for parents to make.
I agree that parents should help provide their children with a framework for making godly choices. And I’m not saying, nor is Joel saying, that children should never watch TV.
Much more difficult? Dude, how big is your house?!
Poke your head in and check on them, just like you’d do if they were in the family room.
This discussion could go on for days, even months. The bottom line is, when the people in this discussion were the ages of the kids mentioned here, media was less filthy than it is today. Not to say that it was perfect, mind you. But as the years have passed and things have loosened up, there is more stuff out there than our parents ever dreamed of 20 to 30 years ago.
We can all have our opinions, and that’s great. Each parent, whether they realize it or not, will answer to Almighty God for how they raised their children. As the Bible says, “Children are a treasure from the Lord.” They are gifts to you from God. No one is disparaging anyone else’s parenting skills here. Just rely on God’s Word….and take opinions with a grain of salt.
By the way, I’m not a parent…….I don’t play one on TV……..and most likely never will be a parent. But I know what it was like to be a child…..and so I hope that this post is an encouragement to you all.
Those advocating that parents not “shelter” their kids keep referring to open discussion between parents and children. It doesn’t have to be one or the other here. My parents talked all the time to my brother and me about things that were wrong and right. That doesn’t mean though that they were willing to naively allow us easy access to temptation.
I always felt that my parents trusted me as I grew up, but in some ways they didn’t and shouldn’t have because they had a child with a sinful nature on their hands.
We made a strategic decision a few months ago to put the TV on a cart and stick it in the closet. I get it out most weekends to watch a sporting event for an hour or two. But during the week, the TV gets to watch the back of my hanging shirts. As a result, I find myself reading more and interacting with my three children a lot more than when the boob tube was so easily accessible.
Now, when I watch, say, the NFL, I’m shocked by the sexuality in so many of the commercials. It’s not that they’ve gotten markedly worse in the months we’ve been limiting our TV watching, it’s just such daily exposure made me desensitized to it.
I agree with Marty. I don’t see sheltering your children as a bad thing. Yes, they will be exposed to the sewage by their friends, society, etc. By God’s grace, they will see that their “sheltered” home was a more peaceful, attractive, fulfilling enviromnment and way of life than the world without and the lusts within offfer them. Furthermore, if a child cannot dialogue with his parents about these issues, that is more the fault of the parents for not establishing an environment of open dialogue than them making the dreadful mistake of not pumping sewage into the house for the sake of that wonderful parenting principle of exposure.
In my house, clean water gets pumped in and sewage gets flushed out. In my humble opinion, we are healthier for it.
I guess I’m the only one here who remembers being an adolesent. If my parents gave me TV in my room I’d be on a porn blog somewhere in stead of here. Trust me, even if you poke your head in the room from time to time its not supervision. I guess everyone here is so perfect they ain’t ever watched something they were suppose to. I DID IT and I didn’t have TV in the room. I’m now 25 I know it was wrong but I did it and if the TV was in my room I would have done it more. Thank GOD it wasn’t! Marty and Tim are right on. The V-Chip is good and for me Having a Wife is better than a V-chip. Andy Griffith is the only show worth watching. Everything else is TRASH!
Tim, I agree with your article wholeheartedly. May I offer an analogy here? Picture children as young tender plants. In time they will be strong enough to be placed in the elements and thrive, but until they mature they need to be kept in a greenhouse. This greenhouse gives them the opportunity to develop without having to deal with the harshness of the environment. Parents have the responsibility of being a “greenhouse” for their children. Yes, the time will come when children will be exposed to the elements, but during their formative years we should take care to prepare them for that exposure. There actually is a lot to be said for sheltering your kids.
I know I’m a little late getting into this discussion, but I thought everyone might like to hear an opinion from the other viewpoint - a teenage guy.
I have grown up in a wonderful Christian home, in a small town (which means that I’ve got about 20 sets of parents because they pretty much love me like their own) and have kept great Christian friends all my life literally since the day I was born.
Around the age of 12 , I began to dabble into pornography. There was no particular reason, I was just an adolecent boy, who wanted to be like all the other boys. There were filters and everything on my computer, but because of my knowledge of computers and how Windows works, I figured out ways of hacking around those filters.
The frequency grew and grew of my sessions on the computer. Our computer, by the way, is in our Den, where our family is almost all of the time. However, I was smart in how I timed things so as not to get caught. I’d always allow time to erase my tracks before anyone was around. Before long, it became a full-blown addiction. That led to experimentation with some drugs, and other things.
Anyway, around my 14th birthday, I met an angel that God sent to me. She was in my Freshman year Algebra 1 class. We hit it off great, quickly becoming great friends, best friends really. Without even knowing it, she showed me the true face of God for the first time in my life. I found that odd however, I had grown up in a strong Christian household, I guess I just never fully got it.
She led me to change my life around, after she saved it spiritually and physically. I pretty much went cold-turkey with everything all at once on September 10, 2004. With God’s power and my angel’s moral support, I dedicated my life to Christ.
Now, I have shared my testimony in a more detailed version to many people, as many as I can. After the first time giving my testimony at my Churche’s youth summer camp last summer in front of a hundred people or so, with my mother in attendance by the way, I was able to swallow my fear and embarrassment and tell my story for the glory of God. When God first told me to share my testimony, I wanted to ignore him. But, he eventually won out. Now, I realize that I have a story that many people can relate to. Even if through all the times I tell it, I only help one person and lead them to Christ, I’ve done my job and it was all worth it.
The reason I tell you this is, I’ve experienced the temptation. I do every day.
I have a TV in my room, with cable. I am sitting here writing on this computer while home alone. I am perfectly capable of going right back to my past and diving into those addictions again. But, I don’t want to. I know that it could please me for the moment, make me happy right now. But, I’ve experienced the long term feelings. They aren’t good. The thing I most regret is not how low I got, the point of not knowing why I should let myself live another day. No, what I most regret is knowing that until the day I die, every time I close my eyes I will have the memory of all those things I did burned into my mind. That is reason enough for a young person to stay pure.
I am going to have to say I’m with Steven however. I really am against sheltering kids to those extremes such as always under parent supervision (length of time depending on age and maturity of course), and all of the things discussed. Now, I’m not saying I feel it’s best to let your kids do whatever they want. Please don’t do that.
Yes, parent’s need to protect their kids. But, they also need to let them make their own mistakes, they will learn from them, sooner or later. I just feel it’s best to be somewhere in the middle of the sheltered - nonsheltered spectrum.
I have a TV in the office, one in the family room, one in the game room, and I stream TV video over my wireless network anywhere on my property. But the funny thing is, I watch the same stuff over and over: 24, Lost, MacGyver, men and women’s tennis, table tennis, Cardinals baseball, and the Goonies and Groundhog Day. My wife watches the food channel, and my kids watch the Wiggles. Didn’t Algore invent the V-chip?
If you think you should allow your kids a TV in their room, then I guarantee they won’t watch the aforementioned programming. The boys will sneak peaks at the man show and WWF, the girls will watch MTV. My wife and I agreed years ago to never allow TV or computer in the kid’s rooms. Hey parents: suck it up and read to your kids for once instead of slacking off and putting that crap in their rooms. Thank you and happy Groundhog Day.
Scott, I appreciate your testimony and your transparentness. I would like to address your paragraph concerning parents letting kids make their own mistakes. As a pastor, I have had the awful responsibility of ministering to a family whose teenage son committed suicide on Father’s Day. The reason? They had given him too much freedom. He had become involved in drugs and crime and was facing jail time. Rather than live up to the consequences of his mistakes, he decided to end it all, leaving his parents so bitter against God that it is impossible to reach them at this time. Unlike yourself, he did not find an angel to lead him out of the sin.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.” It is not a requirement of life that a child be allowed to repeat the mistakes of his parents.
Having said that, I am very thankful that God has worked in your life and that you are using your experience to encourage others.
I don’t think the parents are to blame for the child’s suicide. Saying he comitted suicide because they gave him too much freeedom seems to be jumping to a conclusion. He committed suicide because he made a whole lot of bad decisions. The last bad decision ending his own life.
I cannot even imagine the pain of losing a child to suicide. God Bless those who have experienced such loss.
I think that the broader issue here is how do we best prepare our children for adulthood. I don’t think this should be an either/or discussion of wheter you should shelter your children or not. Sheltering is one of many tools in a parent’s arsenal. The younger they are, the more shelter and protection you provide. As they grow older, you give them more and more freedom and teach them how to use that freedom. Will they make mistakes? Don’t we all?
The object of parenthood is to raise children to be productive adults. You don’t raise them just to be good kids. That’s not the goal. If children are arrows in a quivver, then we have to craft each of those arrows to be released to hit its mark. Releasing our children as well crafted adults is the goal. Sheltering, protecting and training are all part of the crafting process.
Well said.
I’m not blaming the parents for the boy’s suicide. He pulled the trigger on the gun. What I am saying is, the parents abdicated their responsibility to make certain choices for him that he was at the time, not mature enough to make. One choice led to another, as you said it did with you, only he was not able to pull out of the nose-dive. You need only ask his parents, if they had it to do all over again, would they allow him the same freedom to “make his own mistakes”.
There is nowhere in the Bible (the best manual for raising children), that says we are to allow our children to make their own mistakes. Will they make mistakes? You bet. Even in the best of circumstances, the human nature can find enough mischief to get into. But we should not exacerbate the problem by taking the philosophy that they can make their own mistakes and somehow everything will arbitrarily work out for the best.