Sexualizing girls
February 23rd, 2007Mona Charen rightly condemns the early sexualization of children, and has some good advice for parents:
Fathers and mothers, protect your girls’ innocence. Take the TV out of their rooms. Monitor what they watch. Don’t purchase the racy clothes or music or movies. And try a dose of what Bill Bennett and Joe Lieberman attempted to do more than a decade ago — shame the purveyors of smut. Here we come to the conservative perspective. Popular culture, in all its crudeness, is the output of liberals. It is liberalism that for decades has rejected any protest as “censorship” or “McCarthyism.”
Thanks for the link Tim! I posted this on my blog:
For all families with children, please read the following article. We cannot allow the culture to capture our little girls and young ladies. We cannot allow the culture to enslave our boys to the sexual objectification of women. Parents and adults cannot perpetuate the extension of their own pubescent, hormonal fantasies! This is no less than culturally accepted pedophilia.
Take the TV out of her room? My daughter will never get a TV IN her room!
Amen, Brother Zoner. Preach on.
Has anyone listened to POP music lately? Geesh! Throw that out with the TV!
Much to the occasional frustration of our son (who’s now 18), he’s never had a tv, game console or computer in his room. He was never allowed to watch TV without first asking us and even then it was limited and monitored. The remotes have never been left out.
We limited not only the amount of time he could spend in front of a ’screen’ (of any kind), but we also limited what his viewing options were. Anything over G rating had to be pre-screened by us or be recommendation by someone we deeply trusted.
If he was staying with someone else, we checked what the limits were at their house. If we were uncomfortable with things (i.e. kids having free run with a TV in their own room), we had those kids over to our home, not the other way around. We learned very early that it’s just as important to keep an eye on things our kids may view at someone else’s home. It didn’t matter to us much if we offended someone else - our priority was our child.
We also set time limits on each item, with an occasional day of “mega-time” allowed(mostly to give mommy a little break each month).
Regarding music, I learned what my son liked and then spent countless hours searching for Christian or clean alternatives. It wasn’t as important for my son to hear only Christian music (as some is horrible fluff or just plain horrible), but it was important to keep it clean.
There are incredible alternatives available to nearly all types of music - there’s even Christian Screamo (how do i know, you ask? my son likes it - so i found it). For what it’s worth, some of these ‘cutting edge’ christian artists have a deep faith and an amazing desire to reach out to today’s youth.
It takes work as a parent in todays liberal and relativistic culture. The enemy wants our kids and in our culture, i don’t think he has to work too hard to get the ball rolling his direction.
My kids have a tv in their room. And they have a play room with a game console. I guess that makes me a terrible parent.
If they see a commercial or hear a song that has questionable subject matter and they ask me about it, we discuss and I explain why such and such is wrong or why I don’t want them to see it.
I am sure some of you think that makes me a bad parent. But I have seen the kids of kids that were sheltered like crazy and never allowed to watch anything over a G rated movie or listen to any music other than Christian.
You know what. A lot of them go off to college (Christian or otherwise) and try to discover what their parents sheltered them from.
At some point, you have to take the training wheels off.
…(and here come the stones)…
Steven, I don’t entirely disagree with what I think is your main point - that over-sheltering our children can also be dangerous.
Perhaps my post sounds as though our son has never heard or said or swear word or watched a movie that’s more than G-rated. Both would be untrue. We enjoy movies of all ratings (up to R) together as a family. We watch CSI and Heroes and 24 and discuss the numerous issues that arise out of those shows.
We also have traveled the world together as a family. My son has worked in Romania with orphans and at a summer camp with underprivileged kids. He’s helped build homes with Habitat for Humanity. He’s also stolen, lied and even said his share of swear-words. He’s far from sheltered.
The issue lies, more fairly, with my responsibility as a parent based upon scripture and my relationship with Christ. To that end, we’ve done our best to balance his exposure to the world. It’s not about creating a false-world at home and acting as if the real-world lies just beyond our door. We recognize the danger in over-sheltering. We also recognize the danger being too liberal. More importantly, we’ve adjusted our parenting as our son has both matured and grown older.
Let me ask you a question, Steven, with sincerity. How do you monitor and adjust what your kids watch on their TV? If they view Desperate Housewives or an infomercial for Girls Gone Wild, but then come to discuss it with you, does that make it okay for them to continue viewing the programming? Do they really honor your request not to watch things to which you object?
I guess it comes down to trust. I trust that my son will change the channel. I trust that he will come to me if he has a question about things.
Outside of that, I raised him to know right from wrong and go over scripture and all things God related.
Do I think he will never see anything sexual in nature? No way. Do I want to prevent him from seeing such? Sure.
I have seen first hand kids raised in a “Godly home” head off to college and begin to experimanent with things now that the rules of the household have been removed. Let’s just say there was a lot of drinking, sex, etc. seen by me at college from kids that were brought up in strict Christian homes.
I’m not saying that the way you are doing it is wrong. I applaud you for parenting the way you see fit. I just get my feathers ruffled a bit when it comes across like parents that allow their kids to play video games or have a tv in their room are rasing little devil children.
Not being a parent I am limited in what I can contribute, but I think it’s interesting that you mention a trust you have for your son Steve. I think this would be important.
However, on what basis is that trust? Is it merely that you taught him basic biblical principles?
I’m not writing from knowledge here, my thoughts have been provoked by what I’ve read. I asked myself, “what would stop a teenager from doing what he/she shouldn’t do?”
I figure that principles will collapse eventually if they are the only thing that keeps them from whatever it is they shouldn’t do.
Therefore, I think that a fear of God would be more effective than anything else. I know personally, that a deep fear of God is what is most likely to keep me from sin, not the head knowledge of principles.
So rather than try to implant ‘principles’, should parents seek to implant a fear of God?
(P.S. I think I forgot I was commenting and not blogging!)
I trust my kids not to sin about as much as I trust myself not to sin. Very little.
Folks,
We are missing the big picture here. Its not about sheltering your children, its not about trusting your children, and its not about exposing our children to this filth.
Its about what we should do as parents. I can’t imagine Christ viewing a infomercial for “Girls Gone Wild” and say lets talk about this, and then allow the TV to stay on for more filth to come out.
We only have one King, and its Christ. I will do everything in my power to keep them from being exposed to the filth in this world, though the world finds them at school and out in any function, whether its the mall, or shopping center, etc.. If they go off to college and lose everything I taught them; of course I will be hurt and disappointed, but I did my job. I believe Christ will say, Good job servant, you did it.
What ever happened to WWJD, another fad gone, but not in my heart, and not in how I raise my children. Do you truly believe that God is in control, then pull the filth from the rooms and obey God, and trust in him, and most importantly Pray for your children daily, how many of us pray with our children on our knees.
There once was a movie out where a guy time travelled forward to where we are now, and some filthy came on the movie screen and he stood up and started to yell “thats blasphemous” or something to that fact. Where are we today where we say…oh lets talk about this, and then let them go right back into the filth.
Steven, as a brother in Christ, I encourage to please pray about what God would have you do, but exposing them over and over to this filth just pollutes their mind with things other than Christ is King. If i’m a prude, so be it. God is in control, and I pledge to be as obediant as this human mind and body can be.
In Christ,
Alex
By the way, what about those Tigers
I am not saying I expose m kids to that. Heck, they watch Nick or Disney most of the time and when Austin (my oldest) isn’t watching that he is watching ESPNEWS. It’s not like I am letting him watch Cinemax or South Park people.
And I know he is going to sin. I know I am going to as well.
I protect my children. But I am not raising them in a bubble as to how bad the real world is because I know at some point they are going to have to venture out into it.
ME: married 13 years, 5 children (12,10,7,5,3)
Steven, you’re not a horrible parent. There are strengths & weaknesses to any approach utilized by Christian parents. You are using a progressive-principled approach that seeks to train the heart and gradual allows freedom to be earned as trust is developed. This is very much similar to my own approach.
I don’t want my kids to just never have access to filth (though I certainly guard against it) because I can’t and won’t always be there. But I teach them that the Holy Spirit IS always there and help train their hearts to intentional reject the falsehoods of the world. Now, obviously when my two sons get older and they go through puberty, there will be changes appropriate to the struggles they may be experiencing.
We choose to homeschool our children - I wouldn’t think of socializing them in a school given the depravity of our culture (prevalent in both public and “Christian” schools). We may allow them to go to a Christian HS (maybe, we’ll see). Yet at the same time all of our children’s rooms have TVs — and we are watching what they watch, monitoring for signs of worldly influence which will always be demonstrated in their attitudes. Now probably, the only reason I feel safe in giving the children so much latitude is because we homeschool and spend so much time with the kids, we would immediately recognize changes in behavior, attitude, and influence.
All this is to say. Think about and guard your families. We may, in the end, choose to do so in differing ways — but may the same end be found!
We decided a long time ago to only have 1 television in our house. It forced us to agree on what we watch as well as give us an opportunity to discuss the issues that are raised.
To me, it’s more important to dscuss what you see, both good and bad, and give your slant on what is portraid. Our kids need to learn to think and critique what they hear, read, and see. Sometimes what is called “Christian” is nothing more than worldly values ith a little “Chritianese” mixed in.
A year or so ago, we added a television to the kids play room just so our girls could get a break and get away from our twin boys. As soon as we got the TV, I set the “V” chip to shows that I felt comfortable with. I would encourage any parent to use it. It’s a great tool.
I’m thankful that there are great Christian alternatives to what the world offers our kids. I wish we had had stuff like this when I was a kid. My boys just recently discovered Bible Man. They absoutely love him. Even though I think the show is as hokey as it can be.
*warning - long diatribe ahead*
I trust God, first and foremost, to protect my child as he becomes an adult and enters the world on his own. However, God has given me an awesome gift in my Son and an even more terrifying responsibility as his parent to raise him and prepare him for life as an adult. It’s not simply my job to raise him according to scripture and the teaching of Christ; it’s my duty, my obligation and ultimately, my legacy. My son is 18 now and he loves the Lord with all his heart. He desires to be a man of God. As his parents, we also believe and trust in the Proverb, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
That being said…..
All of our PC’s reside in the family room, which opens onto our kitchen. Despite my Son’s desire to follow Christ and our numerous conversations regarding sexual purity, ‘the lust of the eyes’ kicks in with sudden and powerful bursts. With my back turned for only a moment, he’d quickly type something like ’sex’ into Google. In a flash our home had opened the door to a ‘den of iniquity’ (the pc’s are all secure now).
TV is not much better with commercials often the worst offenders. Sex is used to sell everything from cereal to cell-phones. Every 5th commercial seems to promote some male-enhancement product with scantily clad women showing loads of cleavage. Greed, selfishness and instant-gratification are daily fare via the TV.
I honestly don’t believe I’m better preparing my son for life as an adult by allowing him unfettered access to TV or the PC, no matter how much I may trust him.
I was raised in a wonderful Christian home. I am so thankful for that legacy - what a gift I have been given. As a teenager, I knew in my heart what Godly living meant and what things would destroy my soul. But, like any sinner, I was drawn to sin. My parents taught me right from wrong and in my own relationship with Christ, I heard his quiet whispers, gently nudging me away from temptation.
I was a ‘responsible’ kid, mature for my years. My parents trusted me. I was given much latitude and freedom. And I screwed up - I got into drinking (and hid it, very successfully - maintained a high GPA and continued being successful in sports, etc…) and viewed things in various media that still burn in my mind to this very day. I said all the right things to my parents. I hid the outward signs that might give them and indication of my inward struggles. I still wanted to be a Child of God and yet inwardly, the battle was fierce.
What’s my point in sharing this? Will all kids who are given much freedom make the same choices I did? No. But I’ve learned that as a parent I won’t always be able to simply ‘recognize’ or ‘know’ that my child (especially teenager) is really struggling. Yes, our kids will inevitably face temptation and we will not be there to help guide and protect them. That’s why it’s so important, while we have them, to evaluate everything we expose our children to against Christ and scripture. If we compromise, we send the message to our Children that God’s Word can be molded to our desires and changed for our convenience.
I just want to add that Bibleman rules. Like in the “Chuck Norris” type of ruling. But hokey, yes.