Changing abortion’s pronoun
January 7th, 2008Here’s a moving story from the Los Angeles Times about the growing number of men who are experiencing grief over abortions they’ve supported in the past.
Jason Baier talks often to the little boy he calls Jamie. He imagines this boy — his son — with blond hair and green eyes, chubby cheeks, a sweet smile.
But he’ll never know for sure.
His fiancee’s sister told him about the abortion after it was over. Baier remembers that he cried. The next weeks and months go black. He knows he drank far too much. He and his fiancee fought until they broke up. “I hated the world,” he said.
Baier, 36, still longs for the child who might have been, with an intensity that bewilders him: “How can I miss something I never even held?”
sheesh Tim - don’t you know this issue is only about a woman’s body and a woman’s choice??? how incredibly intolerant and sexist of you…….
/end liberal imitation
“Aubert pictures men by the hundreds praying, chanting — and waving signs: “I regret my abortion.”"
Oh, boohoo. Give me a break.
My wife and I had a miscarriage during our first pregnancy. I remember how our OBGYN at the time told me that me go through a grieving process too. He was right. I still miss the child that we never had. I wonder what he or she would have looked like, what we would have done together. One day we’ll meet, but not this side of heaven. It’s comforting to know that our parents will have a grandchild waiting in heaven for them.
God is good.
Yeah, miscarriages are really tough on women. And what makes it worse is because our culture of abortion has made people look at unborn children as just clumps of cells these women do not get nearly the love and support they need from thier friends.
Speaking of abortion and the real effects it has on both men and women, I am putting on a rally in Downtown Los Angeles on January 19th. It is part of the Silent No More Awareness Campaign that I am a part of. I am the Regional Coordinator for Los Angeles.
Here is the information
What: Silent No More Awareness Rally
When: January 19, 2008
Where: Los Angeles City Hall, 200 N. Spring Street.
Time: 10am
Contact: Dena Leichnitz (323) 898-7914
It is finally coming out that both men and women don’t get over abortion like you get over a pulled tooth. There is emotional and physical trauma that can last for years. Silent No More gives people a chance to share their testimony about what it is really like and maybe just maybe save a child and a mother from death. After all, suicide is 6 times higher after an abortion.
Andy, it just bewilders me how we lay all this guilt on women who’ve had abortions, saying (rightfully so) that an innocent life has been smothered out, yet when there is a miscarriage, we say little or nothing. It’s as if we want to recognize un-natural abortions, but sweep natural abortions under the rug. If there is a burden of grief when an abortion takes place, then why don’t we understand and grieve with those who have lost children through natural abortion. Are these not children as well?
And BTW, this is not just a “women’s” issue. If you lost one of your children, you wouldn’t use that language. I know that you didn’t mean it to sound that way but when you say things like that, it’s hurtful and demeaning. If a child is a child before she is born, then why do we act differently to the loss of a pregnancy. Something to think about.
I think it is different with miscarriage because in that case most people don’t know what to say, what do you say to someone who has lost their child. I do agree in both cases that grieving for that child is not allowed. With natural miscarriages they are always told, “You can have another child” like somehow children are like napkins, you lose one you just get another just like it. I always found that sentiment so insulting and degrading. Each child, each person is unique and an individual, you could no more replace me or my son then you could replace Albert Einstein or Dr. King. I do agree Andy that more needs to be done to let more people grieve when they lose a child, no matter how they lose it.
Just something I found interesting, I was watching Girlfriends the other night and on the show, the character, Maya had a miscarriage, they show her evading the pain and her husband eventually breaks down and just cries for their child. I was truly moved and I thought that one scene was so ground-breaking. To show a Black man crying…period is one thing but crying for his child was even more courageous. I think we need more messages like that. That is okay for men to want children and to mourn for them when they die and not just after they are born but before they are born too. Hopefully with the emergence of Silent No More and other organizations this grief will no longer be forbidden.