Doofus dads and respectful kids
October 5th, 2007Turn on practically any sitcom, or watch many TV commercials, and you’ll undoubtedly get the message.
Dad is a bumbling dolt who doesn’t have a clue. The kids are the ones who have it all together and know everything about life. They are the ones who regularly have to set Dad straight.
It’s a message our children absorb routinely, so it’s no wonder kids have problems showing their parents – especially their dads – the proper respect.
Personally, I just don’t see the connection between disrespectful kids and sitcoms. Sure, this is a stereotype of dads everywhere but there is an element of truth to it. It is usually the dads that are playing with their kids and acting goofy,not moms.
But there is some subtle instruction going on in this interaction. By playing with their kids and acting the part of the goofy parent, fathers are showing their kids where the lines are and guiding their children away from crossing them. I regularly rough-house with my boys but I am showing them how far they can go without hurting each other. This is how most dads teach, especially with boys. My kids respond to me the best when I am playing with them, at least my boys do. Girls are more verbal and relational so speaking instruction and praise means more to them. Boys have to be physically shown how to act.
So sure, the “goofy dad” is a stereotype on sitcoms but I use self depricating humor all the time, just like my dad did with me. To me, it’s a sign of strength and not a sign of weakness, when we can poke fun at ourselves. Boys are disrespectful when they are not getting the attention that they need.
You are exactly right about TV. This is portrayal is everywhere. In the typical more recent Disney movies as well, dad needs to be enlightened by his kids on how to be a good dad.
Funny you should bring this up. Just a few days ago my wife and I were discussing the topic of dads on TV shows, and came to the same conclusion about how we’re portrayed. The last TV dad I could respect would be Alan Matthews, played by William Russ on “Boy Meets World”. It’s been downhill since then.
Big difference between “goofy dad” and “stupid dad,” Joel, and in the media what we see far too often is “stupid dad.”
I would not let my kids watch “The Jetsons” because of the way the writers portrayed George. And I took the time to explain to them why — basically it endorsed disrespect for fathers with no consequences. Sure, Jane loved poor George, but he was still the butt of many jokes.
So is culture the reflection of art, or is art the reflection of culture?
Or does is even matter as long as there is a problem?
I think a lot of this should be included about the discussion of emasculinating the Church that took place here a few weeks back. What are we teaching about what it means to be a man? Is it integrity and committment? Teaching respect? And how much does the media influence even how and what we talk about in the Church?
Tim- good points in your article. The contrast with Fielder and his dad is a poignent example of the growing rift between dads and kids.
Yes, honoring your parents is one of the 10 commandments, but without good examples of HOW to show love and respect, children cannot be expected to know, inherently, how to do so.
It would be easy to blame this “lack” of good examples on broken homes and absent parents — sadly, usually fathers — but it can also be the result of parents who are constantly bickering or otherwise being disrespectful to one another.
To answer Mike’s question: I think art is the reflection of culture. Tim alluded to the Cleavers in his column, and I found myself thinking about the dad, Mike Brady, in The Brady Bunch, which is one show I watched quite frequently while growing up. He was the authority figure in the family, and the kids showed a certain amount of respect for/fear of him — and also valued his opinion and sought his approval. Of course, this was “way back” in the early 1970s, when divorce wasn’t quite as common (or at least didn’t seem to be) as it is today.
But then again … The Jetsons were around that same time, so maybe “Doofus Dads” have always been a sure-fire way to get a laugh! (Seems to me that was the case with The Munsters, The Flintstones and The Addams Family, too!)
: )
Doh! Don’t forget “The Simpsons” Di!
Heh, I guess I was harkening back to the past rather than the more recent past — and present!
I completely agree with Mike. They’re related for the same reason the Bible instructs men on how be men - because it’s within our nature to sit back and let the world happen to us. The Biblical call to be ascertive and lead our families and church is because our nature is to sit back and let our wives do it. The example of this nature of ours (and its ill effects) is all around us.
I think the problem is bigger than “doofus dads.” If we are honest, we will admit the problem is “stupid/silly males.” We will excuse Napolean Dynamite because it is clean and Office Space because it is “smart.” But the effect is the same. Silliness over seriousness. Stupidity over heroism.
If you have more than one doofus dad, you have doofii.
See, I’m not a doophus dadd. A dooofuss dad wood’nt no thatt.
Tim, sorry to be getting on board late with this one, but just wanted to toss in my two cents worth.
The demonization of the father on U.S. television began in ernest with Archie Bunker, produced and created by Norman Lear. If any of your younger readers doubt this, I suggest they catch an episode or two on retro TV or on DVD from a video store. This character was the prototype for “dumb” TV dads to this day.
Sadly like abortion in this country, once accepted as the standard, there seems to be no going back.